Four years now with five around the corner (first post Apr 21st, 2008 ) and I get steady traffic.  The site remains and completely unprofitable.   Quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Hellofucker,com is for stuff that I find funny.  Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it sucks (see ‘webcam stuff’ category)  Thanks for sticking around anyway, and I look forward to making you laugh again in 2012

If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer 

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! 

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

              The End

Credit to Ben at www.bl.com

Blood is thicker than water,

but maple syrup is thicker than blood.

So pancakes, you see, are more important than family.

There, I said it.

You live in an area teeming with wild game and unparalleled access to fully automatic weapons.  Go fuck yourself if you people are starving.

It you are offended by any of the content here at hellofucker.com, please send me an e-mail.  That’s fucker@hellofucker.com  I will immediately change the person that I am and what I find amusing.  Just for you.

I tried to give up using the “F” word today, turned out to be too hucking fard for me.

Between the noise and the white and black spots of feces on my car, I’m really sick of the migrating birds. I ate a big plate of scrambled eggs in full view of them in the yard this weekend to show them what I’m capable of.

UCLA STUDY (very interesting and short)

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.  For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.  However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected on this subject.

Not just any book, a book that will take every other book on the Bestseller’s list, bend it over and make all their pages stick together. Know what I mean? I mean rape. The book will rape other books. Is that wrong? Nah, because they’re all asking for it, aren’t they? Those dirty little whores with their jackets conveniently slipping off and sliding down their spine. . . .